The Commitment Phobe

I think I may have boiled down why men have such issues with commitment.  Now correct me if you think I'm wrong, but over the past couple of years the three main themes are recurring.  

1.  They want options

2.  There was a bad ex that “put too much pressure on them”

3.  Labels

"Option" seems to be a common theme in the big cities and especially in Lost Angeles.  When you are a socialite, there is always an event to go to, people to meet and sometimes entertain.  So the mystery of who could walk in is exciting for most because there could be a great story waiting to unfold.  I know... I've been there; the musician who sang to me all night, the pro-hockey player whom only drank vintage Dom, or the Swedish Count with the mansion in Palma de Mallorca.  As a woman I feel like that plays out after the age of 25, but there are men in this city still living those fantasies well into their 40's.  If they find a woman whom is everything, they will keep her as their main woman, but on the other nights the options are still open to the inevitable what if??  That saying "you can't have your cake and eat it too" repeats in my head, getting louder and louder every time it spells itself out.

This idea of option has most likely become the centerfold of the relationship magazine after the boy has been freed from a pairing that trapped them.  Pressure to always be there, act a certain way, or change parts of their characteristics and habits.  It's almost like a rebellion.  As if all women are going to try to change them.  Or all relationships will put the chain on the ankle and they can't bear to feel it again.  It turns into the guy being unable to live up to standards they think a relationship is.  In my opinion, that was just a toxic relationship, and we all have that one! But the logical mind will separate the past from the present.  "It's not you, it's that I can't give you what you would need in a relationship."  Buddy... we are in a relationship.  Not much needs to change.

So nothing does have to change.  We see each other every four days, have sleepovers, go on dates, are involved with each others friends and begin to build a certain rapport as two people who are together.  But as soon as the label is smacked on the forehead of each party, "options" become obsolete and all you commit to each other is to try and not f*ck up.

I don't understand why this is such a big deal.  Shouldn't we be with people who make us happy?  Are we over thinking this?  I think so.  If I am with someone who wakes up the butterflies in my basket, and it is obvious I do the same for them, why cut it short because of reliving previous experiences in our lives?  Live in the present.  Go with the flow and your instincts!  I feel like I do but then it is always cut short by the guy who can't commit, and it makes him less of a man in my eyes.  Maybe the real men wear their hearts on their sleeves, like a real woman.